Is it time to get up yet ?

Last night Housemate was out visiting leaving Darcy to our tender mercies. He was put upstairs with a bonio at bedtime and shortly after H and I turned in. I was woken by my beloved at 1.22 teliing me that she could hear Darcy moving around and perhaps he wanted to go out, (not sure why I needed to know this). Nothing would do but to get up and let him out. He came bouncing back in wide awake a couple of minutes later so I took him back upstairs, as I returned he shot back past me down the stairs clearly in the mood for a game. because it was daft o clock I, foolishly , let him come into the bedroom where he leapt on the bed, on being evicted from there he fidgeted and sighed for half an hour on the floor before nodding off and starting to snore.

I can't sleep

Imagine a clock's hands moving on to 5.17. I am suddenly aware of a strange noise in my ear, he is now sat next to me on the bed having a good scratch. No choice this time and he frog marched up to his quarters. Housemate is away again tonight and if there is any repeat he will be out in a stable. he has been warned.

Great Expectations hurried to it's end last night. Estella was not as I imagined her, she was probably still puzzled by the fact that Pip was prettier than her. In a change to advertised plotting Pip didn't go back to save Miss Havisham from the fire (it was her voice that stopped him, it would have stopped anyone). Plus the fact that you couldn't let anything that wooden near a naked flame. (Thanks Debs). Biggest cheer of the night was when the grey horse stove in the head of the evil Bentley, you can abuse a woman but not a horse apparently. It was beautifully shot and showed that the beeb can still be trusted to serve up a great classic serial. More please.

Paternity and a Nice Hairstyle

Recovering from the Christmas festivities here and it's a pleasant surprise to be spending a bit of time with our peripatetic tom Feargall. He had disappeared for a couple of days a few times but over the holiday period he has taken to staying around the premises curling up in the hay and generally chillin' with his best friend Darcy.

Anyway today H, Housemate and I decided that , as the weather was fine, we would go for an exploring hack around the estate. Carly and Kavi were tacked up along with Housemate's energetic pensioner Gedenski. It was a lovely morning as we quietly jogged across the fields of beautiful South Salop.



Kavi showing his smart new clip

 Shortly after this we saw an unusual sight, there was a large cat with a shotgun in one paw and a sobbing,  clearly with kitten, tabby in the other saying "Just tell me where he lives , that's all ".' I wander what that was all about' Housemate said. It 's a mystery.

"If anyone asks, you ain't seen me ..OK "

As Housemate posted we're loving the new Great Expectations on the Beeb, I want to move to the Kent Marshes and live in the drive-thru forge, the one miles from anywhere. I want to listen to Miss Havisham's voice before saying "No Gillian that's not a mad voice,just a bloody irritating one" And who would have guessed that Magwitch was such a geezer.

That said we'll be riveted tonight to see if Pip gets any prettier, it's good to know that despite the grinding poverty of being a Victorian blacksmith's apprentice, he can still maintain an excellent manicure and an elegant coiffure.

My homies and I

I hope you are all enjoying your festivities. Here is the Festive address from Barns Cottage. A fairly frantic morning was had here with numerous horses to be seen to before Housemate headed North for lunch. I had a fine selection of random presents.

                               Darcy ensuring that I don't get to enjoy my pressies to quickly.

As you can see I was spoiled. There was ; Beer from Darcy (Thanks) Socks from Cruella, An exercise rug from Kavi for Kavi  ??!! Also, at the front, in red, a pair of novelty scrotums from my mother in law.

"Where's that Gershwin, I'll show him Christmas goodwill"

Before the champagne was cracked open and the nut roast put in the oven (yum) we took Ari for a long walk. He got very tired but not to tired too disgrace himself. His punishment was supplied by DJ, Ari had not hidden his Christmas treat well enough and on his return all he could hear a quiet Daschundal burp.

Time to start eating now, and Singing in the Rain is on More4 in half an hour. Enjoy the rest of the day with love from us all in Middleton

Bah Humbug

I was wading through the quagmire that masquerades as a field when I came across Kavi who was looking even more doleful than usual. "What's up mate ?" I asked him "Nothing" he sighed. "Come on ,cheer up tell me " I persisted. "Well it's just that Christmas is coming and what with sharing the field with all those Arab horses, who don't celebrate Christmas it all feels at bit flat". I could appreciate his sadness but what to do ?

I went over to the dogs' lair and explained to them. DJ, who had just finished her Christmas shopping for her nephew Gershwin (she bought him half a mushroom and a stone shaped like a stone), immediately donned her Whitsun antlers and romped over to the stable.

                                             Here comes the Easter doggy

She and Ari set to the great Stable makeover so that when Kavi returned his stable was a grotto to rival that in Selfridges

                                               A winter Wonderland

Joined by Darcy they got the Christmas lantern and sat outside his stable to serenade him with such festive delights as "Bark the herald angels sing" and "Waggytail of New York". It has to be said that they made up in enthusiasm what they lacked in tunefulness.  They were about to launch into the "Howl and the Pussycat (feat. Furrgall) " when he decided that he had had enough.

                             "Shut up Shut up, put me back in the field pleeeease"

As it is Christmas eve it is time to unveil the Christmas cake (see November 1st). As H said "I'm sure that it will taste lovely"

                                         Merry Christmas from all at Barns Cottage.     

He's doomed I tell ye

I tell you what is starting to annoy me ? Flippin' google. When we sit watching TV I might make the remark "Who is that ?" Cue H tippy tapping on the computer." It's so and so" she'll say. Housemate will join in. "What's he been in ?" Tippity tap "He was in that film with her with the coke habit". H will report. I will reach for the volume control so that I can hear what is happening on the TV. "It says here" she will continue "that he is 42" "Tuh" Housemate will say "he won't see 50 again". I will harrumph. H goes on " Do you know that he is 5ft 10 inches tall" "Hah ! that's his stage height, he is about 5ft 3 inches and that is with elevator shoes" Housemate expostulates. SHUT UP.

Darcy returned from his couturier last evening sporting his new creation the Winter kilt

He was feeling quite pleased with himself until Ari flew at him, they had to be pulled apart, (poorly paw and all that). I took Ari to one side to tell him off and find out what the problem was. It appears that Ari Macari the scion of the mighty clan Macari had seen that Darcy was wearing the plaid of the Clan McPoshdoggie of Cowdenbeath.

 The clans are sworn enemies following the great Massacre of Glenbonio in 1776. The effete English supported the McPoshdoggie as they ground the peasants down. The Macaris were doling out porridge to the poor and undernourished when they were surprised by the rascally enemies cunningly and underhandedly with desperate consequences for the . it has to be said, unlikely socialists.

 Now all the Macaris are taught at their mothers' paw to revenge themselves at every opportunity. He was only following a long tradition. I have negotiated a truce

Journeys with my Aunt

As I hinted yesterday, there has been a new arrival in the community. The NLND already has two cute dogs but with Darcy pusuing a career in modelling she felt that she needed to up her game. She has taken delivery of an eleven week old puppy.

                                 All together now "Aaaahhh"

Just in case he doesn't quite push all the buttons for your doggy part he still treads on his ears when walking. DJ took one look at him and declaimed "My son, he must be my long lost son". I tried to explain to her that although there was a good occular likeness Gershwin was a Bassett and errr she wasn't. She stares up lovingly at him and we have now agreed that DJ can be his, slightly dippy maiden, aunt but she is not his mum. She has now agreed to this and is planning lots of trips out they can do together to theme parks and Bonio rooms.

                                                "Come to Aunty" In the next issue; Darcy, The winter collection and Pre Christmas blues for one of our chums.

Abbreviated Bulletin

Sadly only a brief chat tonight. it was going to be longer but it was time to marzipan and ice the Christmas cake. Not as quick a job as I had hoped, tear and repair,gripment and slippage, deep folly oh Yes.

Darcy has come out of intensive care and has taken to blankie. he ate a croissant for his tea (I blame myself)

                                             "I'm feeling a bit ruff".

He has recovered enough to go up North for the latest fitting for his winter collection. He needs to up his game because the Nice Lady Next Door has a new resident. One who will challenge Darcy's title as cutest pooch on the estate. Morriaty to his Holmes, Montagu to his Capulet, tomorrow we will meet the jazz dog Gershwin.

Injuries and Insults

Yesterday H and the Swedish Au pair (not ours of course, do keep up) went out for a gentle hack on Carly and Kavi, who was being being specially loaned out as a favour (while I watched the racing). As the foursome set out a chap in a van arrived to deliver a parcel, he asked the SAuP what type of horse she was riding, and was, correctly ,told that Carly was an Arab, the chap made the polite nice comments about him and how lovely he was. He then turned to H and said "I see you are riding a Clydesdale"

                    "Did he just call me a Clydesdale ? Lemme at him"

Now I know that he may be a pound or two above his racing weight but to call him a heavy horse ? Really. He had to retire to his stable overnight to recover, even Polos only helped a little.

Our adventurers returned empty handed from their quest. They were finally defeated by the only thing Ari cannot beat....Mud. It is too deep for a little dog to conquer at the moment but come the spring they will be off again. DJ did return with her new magical accoutrement. She is wearing the cloak of invisibility. Don't tell her that you can see her, just say "Who said that ? " when she barks and she'll be happy.

The big paw injury that Darcy is "manfully" suffering at the moment is improving a little. Every hour Housemate, after peeling his grapes, goes to the front gate to post the latest bulletin for the awaiting media. The latest being "Mr Darcy Dogg is bravely bearing up and is taking a little nourishment, the veterinary surgeons say that he is as well as can be expected and that he will accept Bonios from well wishers".

The Movember movement raised in excess of seventeen million pounds for research into male cancers. Obviously the Kavismate Klan would have given a good proportion of that and I thank you all very much. The severe (?) discomfort I suffered has all been worth it

Great big pointy teeth

As has been stated the weather has taken a turn for the winterish. On nights like this we all sit around the logburner watching TV (living the life) and despite yourself you get dragged in to watching things that if you had a life you would avoid. Masterchef has fitted the bill for a few weeks. We have now given up shouting "You're only cooking a meal for goodness sake" at the screen. Darcy, in particular has become obsessed with it. Enthused by this he disappeared to the kitchen area and returned with his signature dish. Entrecote de Bonio seved with cloudburst jus and organic furious rice.

                                            That'll be £35 Thank You.

DJ Gandalf and her sidekick Ari Baggins set forth on their epic quest this week to search for the aforementioned mythical chewstick. After days of journeying towards the setting sun and defeating the Nasty Gamekeeper of Hopton Cangeford and the swamps of Stoat Corner they finally found the entrance to the underworld

      "  Follow me my brave hound and soon we will have the riches of the world"

Clearly what they discovered was not what they were expecting and they headed back to base.

                                                    "Run away Run away"

The teleported Horse

This is Ptracci (the P is silent) she is our youngest resident and is a boisterous teenager, in horse years anyway.

                                          "What ?...What?"

Like all youngsters fun is high on her agenda, this is a bit unfortunate as she shares a field with a load of miseable old geldings for whom fun is low on the agenda. Carly does come and play with her a bit but she, quite rightly, suspects his motives.

               "Well hello there, What's a young sweetie like you doing in the field ?"
                                 You have to imagine a Leslie Phillips voice there

. Anyway things can be a bit dull for her so she has started to develop the power to open gates with her mouth. Yesterday she excelled herself. it was around tea time and we were getting the feeds sorted when I went into the barn to feed the cats and Ptracci was tucking into a haynet (See above). I thought little more of it until I asked H and Housemate if the other horses were to be brought in to join her. The upshot being that she wasn't in the barn as no one had let her in. A stroll over revealed that I wasn't going mad. How did this happen ? There was a bit of a kerfuffle in the top field and we saw that Rooster had his High viz jacket on and was holding everyone back.

                            The gate in question (after it had been repaired)

The gate had been taken off it's hinges and clearly Ptracci had nipped out to go and stuff herself. We have not yet been able to determine the vandal. She may not have done the deed but was quickest to take advantage of it.

Now we all laughed at DJ's" supernatural" powers but this morning when I went to take her for her stroll she was lying on a comfy bed. No idea where it had come from.

                                       
Tomorrow she explores the underworld in the search for the Chewstick of Thrangorr

World domination and a nice blanket

As Christmas approaches the weather starts to get colder. The horses have rugs to keep them warm,the cats snuggle up amongst the hay bales but what can a fashionable pooch wear to keep the chill out ? Until now Darcy Brummell has had to rely on his extensive knitwear collection but things have looked up since last weekend. As you may recall the Mother in law visited the cottage a month or so ago, during the visit she befriended Darcy and always asks after him when she phones. She was so concerned about his comfort that she got together with the Nice Old Ladies of Mid Devon to come up with a simple yet stylish solution.

                                            Le Blankie.       (Good grief)

                                                 "Mmmmm  comfy"

By the way I have never had so much as a scarf. Needless to say it has brought snorts of derision from DJ and Ari who are more convinced than ever about the onset of Southern Softiness emanating from the Housemate portion of the house.

 Ari is too tough to wear any form of clothing. DJ the wise woman swears by draughts from the magic cauldron of Hopton Cangeford.This,apparently, fabled item has the power to infer power and wealth ( and heating.) She tells me that she majicked this cauldron from the clutches of the Archimandrake of Clee St Margaret and when she has mastered all it's powers she will launch her quest to be the Mistress of all the Bonios.

                          "One day all this will be mine, all mine ,heh heh heh"

      To be honest I think that she's starting to lose her marbles

No don't tell me....

Yesterday you left us in deepest Bovey Tracey having finished the celebration meal. We all repaired to the Mother in law's house for the traditional unveiling of the Birthday cake. Here I must declare an interest; the cake was made by my seriously clever and talented sister in law.
http://www.c4cakes.com/

I can recommend her creations for any of your celebration, wedding, birthday etc cakes. Have a look through the Web site, they look great and taste divine.

Where was I ? Sorry , I had a cake moment then. Memo to self, do not show her your Christmas cake. (It received another generous dose of Brandy today.)

Replete with cake and celebrations, H, clever sis in law, her partner and the Shambling student ( my Godson) nipped to the local for a beverage or two. When ordering the excellent St Austell beers we were asked if we wanted to take part in the quiz. Seeing a chance to shamelessly show that I have a talent for something I said yes and the Barn Owls (South) entered the....pop quiz. AAArgh, there was no mention of pop music. Thankfully all my team mates had a good knowledge of music that was not prog rock of the 1970s or British Classical Music of the twentieth century. These were my efforts when trying to identify the songs that were played. See if you can guess who I meant;

That's a load of black girls, they don't wear much, one of them married a footballer.
Oh, American band, lead singer wears a lot of guyliner, jumps around a lot and is older than he thinks.
Dull British band, lead singer has a weight problem and a dodgy hairstyle.
They play this a lot on Telly, it's dire. It must be Coldplay
Boring Boring Boring, must be Radiohead.
It's MC Hammer !

Answers,
Destiny's Child
Green Day
Snow Patrol
Keane
No, sorry I still can't remember
Michael Jackson

We finished 3rd despite my efforts. Well done you lot.

It was a great weekend away but it was good to come home. The wet weather has turned the top field gate into a quagmire. This has presented quite a problem to our dear old safety rep Rooster;

                                      "That presents a slip hazard that does"

He is so concerned that his herd might slip and hurt themselves that he stops them leaving the field to come up to the barn for their feed. I say stops them, Sid takes no notice and strolls past. Kavi nips up the other side while Rooster is distracted, it would take a lot more than an Arab to keep him from his snap. In the end it is just him and Carly ,who is jumping anxiously from hoof to hoof, standing the wrong side of the gate. Only when one of us comes down and shows him the risk assesment can we all proceed for tea.

What we did on our Hols (Pt 1)

As I stated last week H & I journeyed to deepest Devon over the Weekend. On Thursday night we had a truly excellent meal at the Cridford In at Trusham in the Teign Valley.
http://www.vanillapod-cridfordinn.com/

Friday saw me drop H off at her Mother's and nip to the top of Haldon Hill to go to Exeter races. The bookies did well from me but I saw a most informative Novice Chase won by Walkon who looks like he may be a decent chaser, my bet Notus De La Tour patently didn't get the trip and a return to 2 miles should repay faith. Zaynar, who was second, looks like he needs a step up to 3 miles.

On Friday night we strolled round Exeter supping some reasonably indifferent beer with the exception of the Oddfellows Arms http://www.theoddfellowsbar.co.uk/ of which more later. H successfully deployed her "stones in my meal" scam to get us free desserts at the cafe where we ate. Nice one H.

On Saturday we nipped down the road to Dawlish for a lovely stroll on the beach. There were a few people there walking their dogs on the beach and we remarked about how much Ari would have had fun as well. Then, on reflection, how he would have cleared the beach in seconds and we would have been apologising to white lipped people about his behaviour.

                                                 "Bloody Tourists"

In the evening we returned to the Oddfellows with Elder sister in law and her cleaner. My how it had changed ! The place was populated by 6 foot tall semi clad ladies. I was entranced by them until H pointed out the perception gap;
My View. Mature, urbane man, fond of the finer things in life, showing his roguish grin.
Everyone elses' view. Leering, baldy, red faced old satyr dribbling into his pint.

Sunday was the big birthday meal. All the family were there including ultra cute grand niece and nephew. The cute, attention seeking , pretty one made for her Aunty H. I wander why ?To pick up  a few tips probably. Anyway the meal got off to a great start with the waitress who made up for her lack of serving skills by her ability to juggle bread rolls. Everyone was ducking for cover as they flew out of the basket in random directions. Half way through serving the starters she returned to say that there would be a delay with the rest of the soup as Chef had spilt it on the floor. This sparked some lively debate as to whether the remaining soup would be straight from the floor or fresh. Even after the event opinion was divided. Lovelyneice then asked for some black pepper to go with her main course. After a lengthy delay the waitress returned to say that they didn't have any but if she was prepared to wait a bit she would nip to Tesco Express to see if they had any there. One could imagine her retelling the tale to her friends in the evening
" 'Er only wannned blaaack pepper, praaper white not good enough for 'er . Comin'  'ere with her fancy London airs and graces"

Tomorrow, we go to the quiz and I eat humble pie there