That's all that needs to be said today.
Sunday 29 April 2012
Wednesday 25 April 2012
He's a very handsome boy
Our new boy, Rocky, came home yesterday
A typically, well framed and colourful picture by H
He came from West Wales and has been more than a little disappointed by the continuation of the heavy rain that he thought he had left behind. When a new horse joins the herd there is often a certain amount of excitement and jockeying for position in the pecking order. This usually takes the form of Rooster being bossy and generally vile to the unfortunate newbie. Thankfully Rocky,as you might guess from his name, can look after himself and an uneasy stand off is the current position.
He may have expected a bit of banter from the other horses but what he won't have expected is being bitch-slapped by a moggie.
Sharkey strides over to introduce herself.
He and Sid were just getting acquainted when our killer kitty marched over, he put his head down to say Hello and was soundly slapped on the snout, he leapt in the air and skittered off around the field. About ten minutes later she was taking in the evening sun sat on the fence when he came back over to sort things out and make friends but, No, another left paw on the snot box left him in no doubt of the contempt in which he is held by our feline killing machine.
Talking of her regrettable tendencies to annihilate the wildlife , the returning swallows have made this years' nests in the rafters above Ari and DJ's lair. Clever thinking birdies.
You have possibly noticed the adverts appearing at the bottom of the posts. The thinking behind this is that every time someone clicks on an add to view it I get paid £100. (I may have got the decimal point in the wrong place there). However in April you have all studiously ignored my get rich quick scheme. I know some of the ads are for meeting "Mature Women for Fun...and more" (Or is that just mine ?). But I don't want to have to keep Darcy short of Bonios now do I ? You have been warned.
He came from West Wales and has been more than a little disappointed by the continuation of the heavy rain that he thought he had left behind. When a new horse joins the herd there is often a certain amount of excitement and jockeying for position in the pecking order. This usually takes the form of Rooster being bossy and generally vile to the unfortunate newbie. Thankfully Rocky,as you might guess from his name, can look after himself and an uneasy stand off is the current position.
He may have expected a bit of banter from the other horses but what he won't have expected is being bitch-slapped by a moggie.
He and Sid were just getting acquainted when our killer kitty marched over, he put his head down to say Hello and was soundly slapped on the snout, he leapt in the air and skittered off around the field. About ten minutes later she was taking in the evening sun sat on the fence when he came back over to sort things out and make friends but, No, another left paw on the snot box left him in no doubt of the contempt in which he is held by our feline killing machine.
Talking of her regrettable tendencies to annihilate the wildlife , the returning swallows have made this years' nests in the rafters above Ari and DJ's lair. Clever thinking birdies.
You have possibly noticed the adverts appearing at the bottom of the posts. The thinking behind this is that every time someone clicks on an add to view it I get paid £100. (I may have got the decimal point in the wrong place there). However in April you have all studiously ignored my get rich quick scheme. I know some of the ads are for meeting "Mature Women for Fun...and more" (Or is that just mine ?). But I don't want to have to keep Darcy short of Bonios now do I ? You have been warned.
Thursday 19 April 2012
A Dogblog
Hello, Darcy Dog here. Mummy has said that it was not fair that the fat baldy bloke was able to say horrid things about me and that I should be able to tell all you lovely, lovely readers the truth,
I know that Mummy hates leaving me and it is only because she needs to keep me in peak condition with a continuous and regular supply of Bonios that she has, tearfully, to leave me with the help. Each night I have to spend with him I do my best to be a brave little doggy but when I see him lumbering towards his room, the smell of cheap cider and pickled eggs following him I know that things will not be as they should be for me.
Firstly my jim-jams will not be laid out, Blankie will just have been tossed on the floor and not ironed and laid out as it should be. There will only be one bedtime bonio and he will not read me a story, tuck me in or give me a goodnight kiss. I dogfully settle down and am then forced to put up with his thunderous snoring and as for the result of the eggs and cider.....
" He even chucks me off here, the cad"
Anyway enough of him. I'd like to tell you all about my new bonio making scheme. Following the, it has to be said, qualified success, of my detective agency "Darcy Investigates". I have decided to launch a new venture. it will be called Darcy's Pizza Deliveries. I have often heard Mummy complaining about there being no reliable delivery service in Middleton, Hopton Cangeford OR Bitterley (amazing I know, 23 houses in those metropolises, metropoli ?) and that sending DJ to the nearest one in Leominster to get a meat feast takes about 5 days (and she has usually eaten it by the time she returns)
"Did she say she wanted mushrooms ?"
So I have been busy in the kitchen creating a new and exciting range of delicious Italian delights. All our paw crafted pizzas will be on a base of crushed bonios and will have lip-smacking toppings such as,Not quite Organic tripe sticks, Pigs Ear feast, some sh*t out of a tin that I have turned my snout up at and refuse to eat. For the vegetarian, there will the specialitie du maison Horse poo delight, Ari and I have visited all the stables and personally sampled the hay-fed, free range droppings from our own herd of tame horses. Carly will deliver the Pizza to your home address, he is so nosy that he knows where everyone lives and Ari will bring the box to your door. Nb your doorbell will need to be fairly low if he is to reach it. payment will be on delivery and if you, the customer, are not 100% satisfied with the product I will not be in the least bit surprised.
Terms and conditions apply. DPD takes no responsibility for any health issues arising out of consumption of one of our products, or if Carly parks his breakfast in your garden , or if Ari bites you. Any dog hairs found in the meal will be considered as garnish and an extra charge may be incurred. Thank You.
What do you mean "I'm fired" ?
I know that Mummy hates leaving me and it is only because she needs to keep me in peak condition with a continuous and regular supply of Bonios that she has, tearfully, to leave me with the help. Each night I have to spend with him I do my best to be a brave little doggy but when I see him lumbering towards his room, the smell of cheap cider and pickled eggs following him I know that things will not be as they should be for me.
Firstly my jim-jams will not be laid out, Blankie will just have been tossed on the floor and not ironed and laid out as it should be. There will only be one bedtime bonio and he will not read me a story, tuck me in or give me a goodnight kiss. I dogfully settle down and am then forced to put up with his thunderous snoring and as for the result of the eggs and cider.....
Anyway enough of him. I'd like to tell you all about my new bonio making scheme. Following the, it has to be said, qualified success, of my detective agency "Darcy Investigates". I have decided to launch a new venture. it will be called Darcy's Pizza Deliveries. I have often heard Mummy complaining about there being no reliable delivery service in Middleton, Hopton Cangeford OR Bitterley (amazing I know, 23 houses in those metropolises, metropoli ?) and that sending DJ to the nearest one in Leominster to get a meat feast takes about 5 days (and she has usually eaten it by the time she returns)
So I have been busy in the kitchen creating a new and exciting range of delicious Italian delights. All our paw crafted pizzas will be on a base of crushed bonios and will have lip-smacking toppings such as,Not quite Organic tripe sticks, Pigs Ear feast, some sh*t out of a tin that I have turned my snout up at and refuse to eat. For the vegetarian, there will the specialitie du maison Horse poo delight, Ari and I have visited all the stables and personally sampled the hay-fed, free range droppings from our own herd of tame horses. Carly will deliver the Pizza to your home address, he is so nosy that he knows where everyone lives and Ari will bring the box to your door. Nb your doorbell will need to be fairly low if he is to reach it. payment will be on delivery and if you, the customer, are not 100% satisfied with the product I will not be in the least bit surprised.
Terms and conditions apply. DPD takes no responsibility for any health issues arising out of consumption of one of our products, or if Carly parks his breakfast in your garden , or if Ari bites you. Any dog hairs found in the meal will be considered as garnish and an extra charge may be incurred. Thank You.
What do you mean "I'm fired" ?
Monday 16 April 2012
Insomnia
They say that one swallow does not make a Summer, I saw two flying over the yard this morning so.Happy Summer everyone.
Housemate was away this weekend competing in Nottinghamshire, by the way, well done Sidders
Grade 1 Horse
Anyway as Darcy was not allowed to travel this meant that I was dog sitting over the weekend. This is not a problem, apart from his penchant for exploration if you turn your back on him in the yard and he trots off into the distance. The real fun starts at bedtime. he cannot be left to sleep on his own, oh no, not Darcy, so he shares my dormitory.
We settle down, him on the floor, I should add, and I put the light out and attempt some zzzs. Shortly after there is the sound of crunching as he finishes off his late night Bonio,followed by snuffling as he vacuums the floor for crumbs and an extended period of lip-smacking. A short period of quiet is then followed by scratching and shuffling as he arranges Blankie into a comfortable position. It's then time for a vigorous scratch and shake of the head (his ears vibrate noisily).
It's about now that Ari, in his lair, hears something moving in Hopton Cangeford and unleashes a volley of woofing. Hollow eyed I turn over, Darcy then starts to emit a horrid squelching, sucking noise as he gives his paws a late night clean. Finally silence descends. Then, about an hour before I want to wake up, when I am in a half awake half asleep mode I become aware of an awful silence, followed by a sigh and the feeling that you are being stared at. Yup he is right next to the bed sat bolt upright with his eyes boring into you, the intimation being "it's ten to six time everyone was up". Hopefully Housemate will not be taking any holidays soon, at least until I have caught up on my sleep.
"Is it time to get up yet ?"
Housemate was away this weekend competing in Nottinghamshire, by the way, well done Sidders
Anyway as Darcy was not allowed to travel this meant that I was dog sitting over the weekend. This is not a problem, apart from his penchant for exploration if you turn your back on him in the yard and he trots off into the distance. The real fun starts at bedtime. he cannot be left to sleep on his own, oh no, not Darcy, so he shares my dormitory.
We settle down, him on the floor, I should add, and I put the light out and attempt some zzzs. Shortly after there is the sound of crunching as he finishes off his late night Bonio,followed by snuffling as he vacuums the floor for crumbs and an extended period of lip-smacking. A short period of quiet is then followed by scratching and shuffling as he arranges Blankie into a comfortable position. It's then time for a vigorous scratch and shake of the head (his ears vibrate noisily).
It's about now that Ari, in his lair, hears something moving in Hopton Cangeford and unleashes a volley of woofing. Hollow eyed I turn over, Darcy then starts to emit a horrid squelching, sucking noise as he gives his paws a late night clean. Finally silence descends. Then, about an hour before I want to wake up, when I am in a half awake half asleep mode I become aware of an awful silence, followed by a sigh and the feeling that you are being stared at. Yup he is right next to the bed sat bolt upright with his eyes boring into you, the intimation being "it's ten to six time everyone was up". Hopefully Housemate will not be taking any holidays soon, at least until I have caught up on my sleep.
Friday 13 April 2012
It's bad for your health
To be fair, giving up smoking is hard hard work, it took me about 10 goes before I finally kicked the evil weed. The NLND is also trying to join the moral higher ground people. However we all know that the flesh can be weak and it has to be said that hers sometimes wavers. A late night nip outside for a spit and a drag (not that she spits of course) can be a temptation. She has reckoned without our health fascist Ari.
"Can I smell ciggie smoke ?"
No sooner does her front door click open and the lighter flare than he is dobbing her in to all and sundry. His bark lays bare to the world that she may be backsliding.
He was called into action earlier this week when Tomfromthelodge 's dog escaped and arrived on the yard for a look around. Despite mine and H's efforts she would not go away. Ari arrived hotpawed to investigate, we were expecting fur and feather to fly but he was quite restrained and escorted her, firmly but gently, off the premises.
Big respect to Freshy who jumped and galloped round the Grand National fences at Aintree yesterday to finish a highly commendable 5th in the Fox Hunters' Chase
Fresh Air and Fun (and Lydz) warming up at Ludlow
The big race is tomorrow and H will be sticking with AP McCoy and Synchronised, whereas I will be siding with According to Pete and the wonderfully named Shackalackaboomboom. Let's hope that all the horses and jockeys come back in one piece.
No sooner does her front door click open and the lighter flare than he is dobbing her in to all and sundry. His bark lays bare to the world that she may be backsliding.
He was called into action earlier this week when Tomfromthelodge 's dog escaped and arrived on the yard for a look around. Despite mine and H's efforts she would not go away. Ari arrived hotpawed to investigate, we were expecting fur and feather to fly but he was quite restrained and escorted her, firmly but gently, off the premises.
Big respect to Freshy who jumped and galloped round the Grand National fences at Aintree yesterday to finish a highly commendable 5th in the Fox Hunters' Chase
The big race is tomorrow and H will be sticking with AP McCoy and Synchronised, whereas I will be siding with According to Pete and the wonderfully named Shackalackaboomboom. Let's hope that all the horses and jockeys come back in one piece.
Friday 6 April 2012
Kissing the badge
As this is the one hundredth blog I thought that I would, for the benefit of newbies (where have you been ?) re-introduce the major characters who have appeared in the last 6 months;
First off, the titular character Kavi
Long faced and, let's be honest, pretty doleful ex-racehorse. His major interests are; eating and err eating. He has a way of letting you know by means of a huge sigh, if he thinks he is being forced to do too much. This is usually when out on a hack if we turn further away from home. He still wishes he was in the company of thoroughbreds, who he can bore with tales of his wins on the racecourse, rather than with a load of Arabs.
Next up, Rooster
Busybody who feels that he should be in charge of the herd but is only the Health and Safety representative. If he catches anybody either enjoying themselves or doing anything that he feels has the potential to be dangerous he bustles over in an important Capt. Mainwaring way to ensure that everything is safe (and no fun). He is the only member who actually works for a living as he is H's endurance horse which involves him covering hundreds of miles a year over various terrain so he is allowed a bit of slack.
One who certainly does very little to earn his keep is Carly
To be honest Carly finds being a horse very limiting, he has so much more to offer. Apart from being the world's greatest lover, an opinion not universally shared it has to be said, he wants to be an explorer. He likes to be able to have a wander around poking into things, even when out on hacks, he is sure that complete strangers really want to meet him (and feed him polos) and has no hesitation in heading off down private driveways if not forcibly dissuaded.
I cannot think why I like this guy.
If he had his way, this view of Ari would be the last thing anyone not from the proletariat would see. Ari barks at every conceivable opportunity, he is disobedient and worst of all will bite anyone who crosses his path. He is universally loathed by gamekeepers and members of the Ludlow hunt alike, some of whom he has cornered and was about to chow down on before I intervened. That said he has a personality and I'm sure that you would like him if you met him (provided you kept your distance and he had his muzzle on).
Talking of mad old women;
This strange, matted bundle of fur is DJ. I love her, she is completely barking (see what I did there). Any creature that lives to her own agenda has to be cherished. OK she smells, is half blind and, despite the huge ears, is fairly deaf but you gotta love her. You could not spend long enough tickling her tummy but as H said, you need to have the breath holding skills of a pearl diver to stay in her company for any length of time.
Lovers of all things rodentine should look away now
This is Sharkey, a sleek, black killing machine. She ensures that we are not infested with rats, mice, shrews and almost any type of wildlife. Sadly there are times when there are more creatures alive in the Antarctic than there are in the yard. Along with her brother, the louche Lothario of Hopton Cangeford, Furrgall they have taken to living on the haybales where they stare superciliously down at all comers, especially Ari who loathes them with a passion he normally reserves for members of the House of Lords.
Other minor characters are the author, H and Housemate who all merely exist to service these characters. The Nice Lady Next Door and the Up and Coming Trainer also pop up from time to time the latter is hoping that Freshy can win the Foxhunters chase at Aintree next Thursday (worth an each way punt apparently).
Well that appears to be all, what ? who ? Oh yes the undoubted star of the blog, the Lord Fauntleroy and thoroughly spoilt Darcy.
Basically all I really need to do to retain the readership is publish regular pictures of him in various costumes. he is the undisputed boss of the premises and bon (io) vivante. He has the pick of seats, sleeps with whom he likes, usually Housemate, but if she is away he is quick to commandeer my bed.
Here's to the next hundred blogs....sigh
The title ? It's what cricketers do with their helmets when they reach three figures
First off, the titular character Kavi
Next up, Rooster
One who certainly does very little to earn his keep is Carly
I cannot think why I like this guy.
Talking of mad old women;
Lovers of all things rodentine should look away now
Other minor characters are the author, H and Housemate who all merely exist to service these characters. The Nice Lady Next Door and the Up and Coming Trainer also pop up from time to time the latter is hoping that Freshy can win the Foxhunters chase at Aintree next Thursday (worth an each way punt apparently).
Well that appears to be all, what ? who ? Oh yes the undoubted star of the blog, the Lord Fauntleroy and thoroughly spoilt Darcy.
Here's to the next hundred blogs....sigh
The title ? It's what cricketers do with their helmets when they reach three figures
Monday 2 April 2012
Game of Sheep
Game of Thrones will soon be starting on Sky Atlantic. I'm very excited by this, if you have ever seen it you will appreciate the sense of anticipation I am feeling. It is the second series following 10 episodes from the first series. That is about 15 hours of television and I watched it all avidly, and still have no flaming idea what is going on. I will not let it beat me though, I'm sure the naked lady with a dragon on her shoulder will play an important part in the plot. If anyone has any inkling of the plot please let me know.
The pathetic fuel "crisis" was particularly annoying for us as we were planning to travel to Essex for clever cake sister's birthday party and Ludlow ran out of fuel about 15 seconds after the Prime Minister told us that there was no need to panic. We managed to source some and set off down south. After a Satnav induced foray down a side road to a small village off the A14 (She told me to do it , I could not resist) we chanced upon a garage that still had fuel. We had to top up, £18 50p of petrol !! We had become panic buyers I felt so cheap, I was Cameron's bitch for following the, previously despised, masses.
A new and potentially worrying problem has affected our flanneur Darcy, Dog Worrying. This is where sheep frighten dogs. I know, it's pathetic isn't it ? he set off down the drive a couple of days ago and saw the sheep who were minding their own business the other side of the cattle grid. He woofed at them and they ran off. A great game thinks our Tibetan chum. However these sheep are quick at sussing out less than brave hounds and yesterday when he sauntered down the drive for some more sport they stood their ground and "Baaaahhhed" at him. Cue hasty retreat.
" Run Silky boy Run"
My next offering will be the one hundredth blog in the series, I will take requests for content. Horses, dogs or the usual waffling ? The choice is yours.
The pathetic fuel "crisis" was particularly annoying for us as we were planning to travel to Essex for clever cake sister's birthday party and Ludlow ran out of fuel about 15 seconds after the Prime Minister told us that there was no need to panic. We managed to source some and set off down south. After a Satnav induced foray down a side road to a small village off the A14 (She told me to do it , I could not resist) we chanced upon a garage that still had fuel. We had to top up, £18 50p of petrol !! We had become panic buyers I felt so cheap, I was Cameron's bitch for following the, previously despised, masses.
A new and potentially worrying problem has affected our flanneur Darcy, Dog Worrying. This is where sheep frighten dogs. I know, it's pathetic isn't it ? he set off down the drive a couple of days ago and saw the sheep who were minding their own business the other side of the cattle grid. He woofed at them and they ran off. A great game thinks our Tibetan chum. However these sheep are quick at sussing out less than brave hounds and yesterday when he sauntered down the drive for some more sport they stood their ground and "Baaaahhhed" at him. Cue hasty retreat.
My next offering will be the one hundredth blog in the series, I will take requests for content. Horses, dogs or the usual waffling ? The choice is yours.
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