I know that Mummy hates leaving me and it is only because she needs to keep me in peak condition with a continuous and regular supply of Bonios that she has, tearfully, to leave me with the help. Each night I have to spend with him I do my best to be a brave little doggy but when I see him lumbering towards his room, the smell of cheap cider and pickled eggs following him I know that things will not be as they should be for me.
Firstly my jim-jams will not be laid out, Blankie will just have been tossed on the floor and not ironed and laid out as it should be. There will only be one bedtime bonio and he will not read me a story, tuck me in or give me a goodnight kiss. I dogfully settle down and am then forced to put up with his thunderous snoring and as for the result of the eggs and cider.....
Anyway enough of him. I'd like to tell you all about my new bonio making scheme. Following the, it has to be said, qualified success, of my detective agency "Darcy Investigates". I have decided to launch a new venture. it will be called Darcy's Pizza Deliveries. I have often heard Mummy complaining about there being no reliable delivery service in Middleton, Hopton Cangeford OR Bitterley (amazing I know, 23 houses in those metropolises, metropoli ?) and that sending DJ to the nearest one in Leominster to get a meat feast takes about 5 days (and she has usually eaten it by the time she returns)
So I have been busy in the kitchen creating a new and exciting range of delicious Italian delights. All our paw crafted pizzas will be on a base of crushed bonios and will have lip-smacking toppings such as,Not quite Organic tripe sticks, Pigs Ear feast, some sh*t out of a tin that I have turned my snout up at and refuse to eat. For the vegetarian, there will the specialitie du maison Horse poo delight, Ari and I have visited all the stables and personally sampled the hay-fed, free range droppings from our own herd of tame horses. Carly will deliver the Pizza to your home address, he is so nosy that he knows where everyone lives and Ari will bring the box to your door. Nb your doorbell will need to be fairly low if he is to reach it. payment will be on delivery and if you, the customer, are not 100% satisfied with the product I will not be in the least bit surprised.
Terms and conditions apply. DPD takes no responsibility for any health issues arising out of consumption of one of our products, or if Carly parks his breakfast in your garden , or if Ari bites you. Any dog hairs found in the meal will be considered as garnish and an extra charge may be incurred. Thank You.
What do you mean "I'm fired" ?
