Charity begins....

Ari loves playing with children at least I think so as he chased the Trick or Treaters off down the drive with the little ones screaming, aren't they supposed to be frightened tonight ?. It was that or give them Housemates piece of cake which is all we could have offered them. No choice at all really then.

We were going to start a competition here at Barns Cottage for Movember
http://uk.movember.com/donate/

This gives money towards cancer charities particularly for Prostate and Testicular types. I know what you are thinking, "Where in your packed life will you find the time to grow a moustache ?" ' Look, it's for a good cause, I 'll make the time'. After all I am an experienced slug balancer with many years of facial fungus to my name. People of a nervous disposition may wish to look away now.

                                                     Day 1
I asked Housemate and H to join in to see who could grow the best 'tache in a month but amazingly they both demurred, leaving only me and Darcy to cultivate some whiskers. Now I appreciate that times are hard for everyone and there are many competing charities for the few quid you may have spare but if the pictures give you a small grin then any few bob would be appreciated to see if we can wipe out these awful diseases.

Highlight of Downton last night was Matthew's Lou and Andy moment when he leaped out of his wheelchair to stop drippy Lavinia from tripping over,so not paralised at all then ? yeh I know, Look Lavinia love you may as well pack up and go home now, we all know how this is going to end. Thomas "Arfur Daly"'the footman's lock up holding all his black market gear had to be trashed by him in a rare outbreak of emotion. The slightly less irritating daughter ran off with the world's least believable communist but was talked out of it in about fifteen seconds by her sisters. Finally and at last it looks like Lord Grantham is going to exercise his droit de seigneur with one of the maids. Glorious stuff.

I promise that Christmas will start tomorrow

Production, distribution and control

It was a big day in the locality yesterday, the first hunt meet of the season. The yard was full of people stock tying, mane plaiting and injury insurance document checking. Off they all went, I'm never quite sure what to say to people when they are off hunting, my "Hope you kill lots of things" did not seem to go down too well.

All the horses were confined to quarters which most of them didn't like and they spent most of the day with their heads over their doors. The hunt came past the yard and a couple of the hounds wandered up to Ari's run, this was the chance he had been waiting for "Comrades" he cried "this is your chance to rise up against the hated masters, rend them asunder, let us become the dogs of ...revolution. You have nothing to lose except your leads." The lead hound looked at his mate and said "Blimey.. a talking dog"

                                             To the barricades fellow workers.

It is a tough and lonely life being a socialist dog around here, his dream of a workers collective where each was given what they needed was scuppered when Darcy cornered the world market in Bonios and awarded himself a 50% snack rise When Ari stood for the canine council on the SWP (Salopian Wagging Party)platform, he finished last, the sitting tenant Raaaaascaaaal, from the big house, had garnered all the votes, DJ was going to vote for Ari but decided on a nap instead, and it was noticed that Darcy was wearing a new coat after the visit from the sitting member .

Tomorrow I will reveal details of an exciting competition at Barns Cottage and will start the countdown to Christmas, Anyway it is Downton Abbey soon and I'm off to get my noble trousers on.

Fantasia on a theme by Kavi

On a morning like this what else can you exept go and enjoy the beautiful Shropshire countryside ? Time to fetch my trusty steed. Why horses ?I hear you ask, surely a man of your age should be going through a midlife crisis and be considering tattoos, a pony tail and maybe a motorbike ?

 Ah yes but what can equal the bond between man and his best equine mate ? I shall go down to the top paddock and get him for a lovely hack, Hang on, no don't do that, I'll be hours grooming you NO Aaargh.

                                           Where's the nearest Harley Davidson shop ?

When we finally set out with H and Rooster he was on his best behaviour, once again he looked longingly at Henry the trainer's string going for a leg stretch but cantered sensibly across the green. We startled sheep and pheasants as we traversed the fields constantly telling ourselves how lovely it was. And it was.

                                          Add your favourite peice of Vaughan Williams here

Tomorrows big race is the Charlie Hall chase over three miles at Wetherby, sadly this year without the marvellous Ollie Magern, who has been in the frame in the last four runnings. he was a great hearted front runner who never won the big race his efforts deserved. His brothers Bobbie and Billy Magern respectively carry on the name. My tip is in the John Smiths (horrid beer) hurdle and is Carlito Brigante



Just a quick one

The pub called tonight and I escorted H and Housemate to the Boot at Orelton. Amid the beer and cider we regaled the locals with tales of horses, relationships, horses, mittens and a few more horses. They have returned to a Sky+ed Corrie. I have scoffed the remnants of the cream cake whilst listening to music on the headphones. Next time we go out I'll try to get some more cider down housemate in the hope that she will be indiscrete about her friends' private lives or ,indeed, her own. Sadly H does not need that third pint and discussed me as if I was in another room. #humiliatedorwhat. Darcy looked disapproving when we returned

                                         What time do you call this ?

Kids, doncha just luvem ?

DJ thought that today was one of the best days ever. The back lady arrived with her daughter at 10 o clock this morning to do a follow up visit on the horses,Ari and Dj were taking their early morning constitutional when she arrived and both were pleased to have a new, young friend. However the PA to the lady of the manor arrived which meant Ari was taken back to his lair, he has previous with her. DJ then had the luxury of half an hour's uninteruppted tummy tickle. Result

The lovely weather allowed H & I to go out for lunch and a stroll in the woods. It was reminiscent of the same time last year when we both went for a hack on Carly and Kavi. We were in a quiet part of the countryside down a little used lane when we came upon a parked car with the window down. Carly strode purposefully over. "Oh no not a dogging situation " I thought as our inquisitive equine thrust his head through the open window with H squeaking " NO Carly". Thankfully the couple were only having a picnic. (That said I thought the sausage looked woefully undercooked)

Anyway on return to the yard I let the hounds out again for another romp when Livery lady arrived with about 6 children in tow. Blinking half term. H is not a great fan of children, and neither is housemate who was also out and about but they were both fairly noble and tight lipped. Ari had to be rounded up again as he has previous with children as well.In fact Ari has previous with nearly everyone so DJ had the kids to herself again and raced around like a puppy enjoying all the attention. H had to be put in her run as well as she was about to savage a boisterous youth who was interfering with Furrgall's enjoyment of his tea.

Having spent a column last month complaining about rubbish service I have to give a big up to the lady in Sainsburys, Hereford who honoured our money off fuel voucher even though it was a day past it's use by date. The tomatoes have also turned red and are being eaten as quicly as the glut will allow. Downton Abbey is becoming more and more hilarious, MisterBates is going to explode if he gets much fatter, still as he is about to be accused of his wife's murder, (Come on you must see that coming) he will shed some pounds on death row. This week's episode ended with the handsome hero getting a slight feling "down below" Lucky him. The pretty sister once again out nobled her plain sibling who is so stupid I'm thinking of proposing to her to get my hands on some of the Grantham's cash The dowager Duchess still hasn't said " A haaandbag" yet but she will soon surely.

Frankel ??? Pah

Housemate away hoof carving so there has been plenty to do. Up early and while H was getting horses sorted I went to release the hounds, Ari leaped out and shot off across the yard but there was no DJ. Having put her away last night I had to rub my eyes, the run isn't that big but she was nowhere to be seen. All I could hear was a "thump.....thump....thump" A more thorough search revealed her hidden under her duvet, (yes I know) and her tail was hitting the side of the run. The little tinker.

Anyway time to tack up and take to the fields on Kavi and Carly. What a beautiful morning, the trees have just turned and are losing leaves so that longer views have been opened up. Carly was particularly enjoying the views stopping when he could while Kavi sighed doubtless wanting to get back. The last part of the ride before rejoining the road is a half mile uphill stretch through two fields. Knowing Kavi's propensity for acceleration on the way home I bridged the reins and sat deep in the saddle. Above me a helicopter was hovering and was that a TV presenter by the gate saying "Horse riding is a great way to see the countryside but in many cases it ends in tragedy and a job for the Helicopter Heroes..."?

I heard no more as Kavi shot off up the field like greased weasel sh*t, he particularly enjoyed the steep last section throwing his head up so that any last semblance of control I had disappeared and allowed him into top gear. The four foot hedge was approaching before I persuaded him to hang a right and not jump it. He loved it. H told me that you should have one adrenaline rush every day, I said I would check my trousers for rush later.

Next time I will update you on some of the things I have wittered on about in past blogs, this will include ; great service shock, red tomatoes and why is there no English word for Schadenfreude ?

Call that a prize ?

It was the big night in Ludlow last night. The red carpet was laid out at the Assembly Rooms, the crowds gathered, the spotlights shone, Joan Rivers was doing the interviews, yes it was the town Quiz. H, Housemate, the Nice Lady From Next Door and I of course entered to uphold the honour of Middleton. What can I say except "What a damning indicment of the education system in this part of Shropshire" as we romped to victory by two clear points. Housemate, on a rare foray that didn't involve horses immediately got stuck into a bottle of Merlot on arrival which had been kindly bought by the NLFND. The alcohol kicked in at about Round 7 where after shouting "Guillemot" randomly she answered a question on cocktails.

We modestly accepted the prize from the gutted question master who was hoping that a sober team might have won

            4 Bottles of Co-op Cava. Is that the prize ?

The NLFND nearly fainted "Cava, please don't let me touch it" H was also hoping for Cristal 1998. Housemate and I , from less exalted stock, were delighted.

We went to the Globe to celebrate with a pint of bitter, NLFND was going to pick up her son but he was going to the Bull to see DJ. So that's what she does in the evening. I can picture her between the decks plattering some ambient and slamming sounds woofing joyfully in the background as she throws some shapes. Ari was on the door of course "Sorry mate , strict dress code tonight. No flying jackets"

Racing is still dominated by jockeys complaining about being suspended for using the whip too often under the new rules. Look you know the rules guys stick to them and stop whinging

Chase Me (Not)

I wasn't going to write a blog today but multiple soaps on telly has forced me to the computer.

Nearly got him that time

Today got off to an exciting start; I opened the feed room door first thing to be greeted with a yawning and stretching Furrgal who I had inadvertently locked in last night, unfortunately for the newly freed feline his first sight was Ari who was looking for some early morning exercise, off they set at top speed across the yard.

Then it was on with joddies, long black boots and comedy hat for a hack. The weather although cold was crisp and the views splendid, Kavi was a good boy for 90% of the time, he still doesn't like going past the stables where the real horses are but when bribed with extra lunch (and me weeping) consented to jig jog past with me clinging on to at least half of him, the sweetie.

Off to the races in the afternoon when good profit was holed below the water line in the last race when my nap of the Esperao (see yesterday) led all the way to the finishing post where he stopped to have his photo taken allowing his pursuer to catch up and dead heat. Aside from that Tatispout won easily helped by a nasty incident when 4 of his 5 opponents slipped up on the flat, thankfully all the horses got up ok. Apart from those two winners I also recommended two seconds (is that the sound of me on trumpet ??). The local horse returned in last place looking happy with poor Liam looking very frazzled, clearly only one of them was trying hard.

Pushbike Heroes

I'm the sort of person who enjoys a routine. In the mornings after breakfast and Helicopter Heroes on BBC1, what do you mean you don't watch it. OK it's probably because you have a life, but if you get the chance to tune in it has a certain hypnotic grandeur. Handsome link man hints that it might be dangerous to go hang gliding in the Penines,he is , of course, right and sheepish person is shown in jerky "Medicam" shots groaning loudly, cut to artistic ariel shots of the chopper sweeping across the landscape. Patient is reached and the paramedics are concened about possible back injuries, back to handsome link man who ramps up the tension by saying how dangerous the situation is. The heroes then rescue patient and take them to hospital.Back to HLM who says to camera that "Thankfully their injuries weren't serious and they were allowed home next day" This happens about 5 times per episode.

Anyway, after my daily dose of anti-climactic action I like to settle down to pick the winning horses and was dealing with a knotty handicap at Fontwell when PA to the Lady of the Manor came to the door asking for H or Housemate as one of the Point to Point horses was acting strangely.In fairness it was lying down making groaning noises. Thankfully, after calling up their trainer it turned out to be a false alarm (a bit like Helicopter Heroes really). While I was on the yard there was a right commotion coming from the nice lady next door's field. She was stood between two alpacas saying "Come away he's not worth it" to a particularly agressive looking beast.

"That'll be me then"

The fawn pugilist was eventually talked out of killing his fieldmate.He may be smiling now but he has an appointment with the vet and a set of nippers lined up in the near future. OOOOOSSSHHH

I hope you managed to have a few bob on Trooper Clarence yesterday as he won nicely. Tomorrow it's Ludlow again. A typically thorny card to work through. The seller, which is the first race is a real puzzler with quite a few horses who were hoped to be decent at the start of the summer being offloaded. If pushed I would go for Red Mercury over Bathwick Scanno.

 The beginners chase is another toughie, the perennial disappointment that is Definate Allstar is sent over from Ireland but has stolen my cash too often for me to risk any more. The Charlie Longsden stable is in great form at the moment and Tatispout is the tentative selection off bottom weight. Lava Lamp will probably win the next but will not be much of a price. I have no idea what will win the 3.45 and will wait until I see them in the paddock.

 The amateur riders' race features Liam ,who rides the pointers out, on Henry Daly's Timpo, he always runs well at Ludlow (Timpo that is) and my spies tell me he is expected to be "there or thereabouts" If he is an each way price that is the bet,. I'll draw a veil over the penultimate race except to note that the Jennie Candlish stable are in good form and Lukeys Luk might just do the business and the Elliott trained Esporao should win the lucky last



Scramble

Yesterday afternoon we were all hanging about in the yard, me and H sweeping up and Housemate, newly returned from hoof carving, chatting to one of the livery owners, when a strange car pulled into the yard.
A lady got out and asked if any of us owned a dog she had seen on the lane, a dog wearing a flying jacket. Naturally H & I laughed at this , the lady must be from Hopton Cangeford and been at the cider, then this cantered into the yard...

Yes it was Wing Commander Darcington D.F.C. (Doggy First Class), having shot down a couple of Fokkers over Clee Hill he was returning to base. Tally Ho!

The eagle eyed will have noticed that the fire has been lit behind our aviator, it looks like Autumn has finally arrived and it won't be long before there will be rug changing, mud, dark evenings, more mud etc. Sigh

Today's card at Exeter has been decimated by the firm ground so that the fields are small and value difficult to find. My nap is Trooper Clarence in the 3.10. He took a heavy fall two races ago and jumped carefully at Fontwell last time,but I'm hoping that he has regained his confidence and that 7/1 is a good price.

Lader vs Pheasant In the court of Middleton Oct 2011

It has to be said that people are strange. They have strange bodies and strange phobias. H had a friend visit this weekend and after they had come back from their ride she was clicking as she walked across the kitchen. When queried she told me that she had been to see the doctor with said digit and he had got very excited. it appears that she has hyper something of the thingummy doodah which is incrediblly rare. next thing she knew she was being used as an example of the rare condition hyper extension etc etc in a lecture theatre with lots of other doctors looking on.

Someone else has a phobia about peas. The very sight of them disturbs her greatly and the plate has to be removed. This is not a "don't like them" like most people have with sprouts but a physical reaction. I have a phobia about work, my work line used to be "Look at where the grafting is taking place... I'll be somewhere else "

More injuries at the weekend when the distaff went out for a long hack on Rooster with Hyper Toe woman riding Kavi. A pheasant leapt out of the bushes startling Rooster who deposited small blonde one on the tarmac with a bump. Thankfully just a few scrapes and stiffness transpired. On return to base Rooster, in his role as H&S advisor launched an enquiry. On cross examination by defence council Mr Ethelbert Lembit Carmaal (Carly) he replied "Was she wearing a seat belt ? No  Was she fitted with the appropriate air bags ? No. I rest my case " Expenses were awarded against Mr P. Hesant, The Hedge, Hopton Cangeford.

It was all too much for poor old Rooster who needed a lie down afterwards.

Of Apples and Slow Horses

Well we're back from a fun few days in Oxfordshire and Gloucestershire. The scenery was wonderful, we were particularly impressed with the orchards and my beloved was so enamoured of the fine crop that she decided to smuggle some home. I don't think anyone noticed.

                         Thats the next Apple Crumble sorted out.

On Friday we attended Cheltenham's first meeting of the year . The day got off to a good start with Sizing Symphony, who was recommended here last month, hosing up. Things went on improving in the next race when the Paul Nicholls trained That'll do was a slightly fortunate winner. Next up my nap of the day; Liberate in the 3 mile chase. I got 8/1 on course and settled back waiting to collect and retire early.

             Liberate and Richard Johnson about to go for a gentle stroll around Prestbury Park

Sadly Liberate jumped like he had never seen a fence before and that few bob disappeared into the bookie's satchel. My saver was Tim Vaughan's Judiciary in the maiden hurdle. It was a close thing but he just got touched off in a driving finish. Another betting slip shredded.

Never mind , we decided to go to the Seafood bar for one of their fabled Platters only to stagger out after seeing the £23.50 price tag. As we were leaving the bar the racecourse klaxon sounded "Stewards Enquiry, Stewards Enquiry"

For those not in the know this means that it was possible that the winner might be disqualified and the race awarded to the runner up, Judiciary. Cue undignified race back to where we standing to see if I could find the betting slip that I had carelessly chucked away. After a demeaning scrabble about on the floor I found the pieces below.
.

                         The bloody enquiry was thrown up and I lost anyway

Round and Round and Round

The good news is that there will be no blog for a few days as she who must be obeyed and self are going away for a few days holiday. We are going to the beautiful cotswolds, staying at the Falkland Arms at Gt Tew for a couple of nights, one of our favourite pubs.

http://www.falklandarms.co.uk/

One of the fun things about exploring new places is the chance to use my Sat-nav. I had promised myself one for years. This is due to spending many holidays with my" world" navigating. Now you would expect that a competition between million dollar satellite technology and my wife's instinct would be no contest. It isn't , the satellites are WRONG.

Who can forget that wonderful day in Devon,; after a nice morning in Tavistock we decided to look for a remote country pub, that had been recommended to us, for lunch. After an hour of driving up and down country lanes in a generally lost way I decided to ask directions, those who know blokes will realise just how desperate I wasfor a pint to swallow my pride and ask the way. I wound the window down to the local chap we had cornered and asked the way, he said "You need to go back to Tavistock and take the...." he got no further before my beloved interjected "Don't be ridiculous we have just come from there it must be up this road " he gave me a look that all men recognise that sublimimnally said " You've got one there mate".

Determined to avoid a repeat of this I purchased my sat nav and now have two women in the car with me telling me where to go. Sadly, often in different directions.

Anyway I will have to leave you now as we have some sort of cake fest on. We have the remnants of last night's apple and blackberry crumble, gathered by housemate, cooked by wife, eaten by fat ba***rd. A Womens's Institute cake kindly donated by the nice lady from next door, who would like it to be known that she is not a member but loves singing Jerusalem ,and a banoffi pie bought by housemate on her travels. Darcy Dog is practising his hungriest look on the off chance that there may be leftovers.

Friday will be spent at Cheltenham races trying to win back the money that went on my Sunday tip. It was backed as if defeat was out of the question from 6/4 to 1/2, you must have some cash to affect the odds so much. Alas Minella for Party had clearly been at a party as he ran as if he had a hangover.

See you Saturday when the woman with rare toes is coming to visit.

I was in the desert you know..Oh yes

I used to think think that the TV programme Grumpy Old Men was just a harmless comedy half hour, until I turned into one. Let me tell you about it. me n' the meesees went into town today to get a few things from the shops. In the bakers there was a kid with ridiculously long hair for a 5 year old " yes that's the sausage roll...I want it cold not hot...and I want a cake" I quietly seethed while it's mother eyed up the pies. Clearly the word "please" was not in the brat's vocabulary.

Next was the supermarket; it must have nearly been closing time, surely that is the only reason for playing Phil Collins over the pa. The mem picked up and put down many chocolate cakes before deciding against one as it "might be disappointing". Off to pay where the teenage checkout girl carried on chatting to her mate at the next till while ignoring us. She looked genuinely surprised to see us waiting to pay. "Jew wancashbkk" No I didn't get that either the first time.

After that I needed a drink so we went to a pub in the centre of town which I had better not name for ecclesiastical reasons. I stood at the bar and was ignored for 5 minutes while the barmaid finished the important phone call to her mate before serving me with a big sigh (a big sigh is not a drink, I had a pint) When the mem joined me she asked our enthused server for a cup of coffee, the money was taken and the cup put under the coffee maker before the barmaid wandered off to start a conversation with another member of staff. She needed reminding that as we had completed our half of the deal surely the coffee was the least we could have been offered in return.

 What is the matter with these people ??!! Pahh

The arrival of the point to pointers has perked Kavi up considerably," at last" he must think "some proper horses to talk to". The nice chestnut mare was put out in the top paddock and he sidled over to make himself known, this is Kavi doing this, the Danny Doleful of the yard for whom happiness appears an alien concept.

"Oh yes I used to be a racer, did I tell you about the time I won the 3 mile chase at Worcester? Well we came to the last and I was 3 lengths down so I said to Gerry Tumelty the jockey...."etc etc

The sight of horses enjoying themselves was too much for Rooster who bustled over shooing him off before rounding the rest of the horses up for a fire drill or something.

The dog, the dog, he's at it again

Up and Coming trainer arrived to do evening stables yesterday and was somewhat perplexed to witness the Middleton flyweight doggy handbag fight. Ari was out for his evening terrorise of the yard when he spotted Darcy in his latest fashion statement.

Does my bum etc

This was to much for the Scottie fashionista and much jumping about growling and handbag throwing ensued. Fair dos to Darcy he was faster on his feet and did a good snarl himself so they were separated (quite easily) and the bout was declared a draw. The house inmates retired for Beer at the Squirrel public house, not a great place but warm and close to  Ludlow's premier take out.

http://www.spicychutneys.co.uk/

Cue card won the big race at Chepstow yesterday in a most taking fashion, one hopes the Tizzard team will follow the novice route to Cheltenham where he looks a good bet for the RSA chase. 50% of the tips won yesterday and Domtaline, who was laid out for this race  looks good enough to win a couple more.

 Todays meeting is at Ffos Las and I would recommend Minella For Party in the last race. Tim Vaughan had a bumper winner on Thursday and this horse won a decent maiden point to point at Punchestown before changing hands for £75,000. He should recoup £1642 today.

The blog title ? Surely you all know Canterbury's premier prog band of the 1970s Caravan ?? No ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIwaYwbjF3M

You'll probably hate it.

Tomorrow Kavi in new love probe. (Prob not as rude as it sounds porn hunters)

Bad Holiday Jam for DJ

After spending the morning picking a couple of nice winners for you. Domtaline in the 4 45 @ Chepstow and Madamlily in the 2 40 @ Hexham as you've asked. It was time to take the hounds out for their daily training session. A couple of the pointers were on the yard prior to going for exercise so Ari had to be reined back as his exuberance may have startled them. So we went off to the top field. Now in the top field there is nothing DJ likes more than a bimble round sniffing everything she can, however Jam, a horse here for a couple of weeks holiday, thought that our portly mutt needed a bit of a run round. He trotted up to her, not in a nasty way, and started sniffing her (he probably couldn't believe anything could smell that bad). This meant that she couldn't settle and was chased round the field. Exhausted after half a lap and with a baleful look she was forced to squeeze under the gate and go back onto the yard.

Not a great 12 hours for England's teams then. having successfully got to watch the second half of the footy I was soon asking if there was another episode of Corry to watch as England were so dire. The only reason that I can think of for Mr Potatoe Head's petulance was that maybe his dad had doubled him up with the Scottish player to be both sent off. I don't know much about what housemate calls Girl's Rugby but apparently the players should have stuck to throwing dwarfs about instead of balls.

Todays most informative race is the novice chase at Chepstow where former Champion bumper winner Cue Card makes his chasing debut. His opponants include Silviniaco Conti from the Nicholls yard and the useful Michael Flips. This is a watch race rather than a bet race, the Tizzard yard (Cue Card) are in decent form at the moment and Paul Nicholls has made a few cautious noises about his animal and as these two are both well supported the Turnerll trained Michael Flips may spring a surprise here.

Hopefully you will have recieved an email reminder to alert you to this, if not and you have accidentally come across this via facebook, and in the unlikely event you may wish to follow this drivel, PM me your email address and I will add you to the list.

Montenegro vs Kevin Webster

All my negotiating skills are due to be put to the test this evening as the England footy match is on Sky but it's a rollover Corrie. Distaff and Housemate both Corrie fans. Where's Harry Hill when you need him ?

The entire household went for a hack this morning, we rode to Hopton Cangeford looking like the Three Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Death was not well enough to come in today). We were enjoying the scenery in a relaxed manner when we spotted three professional riders approaching from the Racing Stables. "Sit up straight and try to look like a proper rider" was my instruction. Kavi looked longingly at the thoroughbreds, he's stuck with a field full of Arabs and part of misses the racing environment, I try to tell him that it's safer carrying me round the roads than jumping those big fences but I don't think that he is convinced.

Up and coming trainer introduced us to our new charges today, one of whom is a former inmate of Jonjo O Neill's called Fresh Air and Fun, he is a super looking individual who has jumped round the National fences so should pay his way in Point to Points after Christmas.

Had to phone the bank this morning to ask them to stop giving my money away willy nilly. I gave my details to the nice lady but when I asked them to sort it out was told that the computer wasn't able to be used until 9 15. Why ? Was it having a lie in ? Did it have to do the school run ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Quh8VCfXE3g&feature=related

I make no apologies for posting the above, It's fusion jazz so practise saying "Nice" and give it a listen, it is the soundtrack to me writing this and drowns out the whining Mancunians on the TV.

Hic !!

I really should be putting up an amusing post, full of insights and winners. However housemate and the distaff made me go to the Queens Head for a couple of pints of Hobsons Bitter.

You're all my best friends.

 So here's a cute photo of DJ.

PS
Anyone in the area who has been disturbed by a high pitched noise, I apologise on behalf of housemate who has been at the cooker again

Naughty Nurses

There won't actually be any naughty nurses in this blog. The reason for the title is to lure in more viewers. I'll tell you why; on the dashboard for this blog there is a statistics tab which tells you how many people have read the blog and where they are from.

I noticed that people from Pakistan, Sweden and Russia have had a look. Why ? I hear you ask, the most popular posting that I have done was one that contained the word lingerie in the title and I would imagine that this was flagged up in a search engine with the result that there were probably quite a few pornography hunters left disappointed.

There has been a lot of activity at the yard over the past couple of days with 4 new equine arrivals, they will be going point to pointing in the new year and are being trained up by our new friend "Up and coming trainer". However Ari has taken against all the comings and goings and nearly eaten his way out of his run. The stable girl who will be looking after the newcomers asked if the dog escaped was he likely to bite her. the reluctant answer was "probably" so his run has had to be reinforced to stop his Colditz activities.

Ludlow races provided a couple of winners from yesterday's blog and a good mention to a horse who finished second at 33/1. The nice lady from next door was on course with the list of my tips to hand. She was sitting with a cup and a sad dog by the end of the day hoping for " a few bob guv" Sorry.

Making Our Fortune

As posted yesterday the first meeting of the season is on at Ludlow tomorrow.

http://www.ludlowracecourse.co.uk/

The going is Gd/Fm with some firm places as there has been very little rain recently. The first race is a seller but has a couple of interesting runners; Fools Wildcat is over from the in form Gorden Elliott stable in Ireland  is 119 rated and has Tony McCoy up, it is bound to be a popular choice. Evan Williams' Agente Romano was a decent animal about 18 months ago but has lost his way this year. The Twiston-Davies horse Bacculaureate won a similar event earlier in the year and has the ability to follow up as has the McCain trained front runner Jim Tango.
No bet advised here

The second race is a mares novice hurdle and again has a few in with a chance; American Ladie left Alan King's stable for that of Jamie Snowden last year and has run consistantly this season. Evan Williams' Fine Lace is another consistent performer and will be sure to be ready to do herself justice here. Local trainer Henry Daly sends At Present the couple of miles from Downton Hall but she has not shown a lot to date and is not that well in at the weights. If this were a handicap American Ladie would be carrying 10lbs more than Fine Lace and is the tentative suggestion.

The third event is a highly competative 11 runner 3 mile handicap chase. Bold Perk enjoyed a highly successful spell in June winning 3 times in a couple of weeks, he has now changed stables and I fear  may be in the grip of the handicapper for the moment. Calypso Bay is from Jonjo O Neill's stable and has the champ on board, he likes the going and was a good winner last time out at Market Rasen. He is the  selection for this but to small stakes.

The 2m 5f handicap hurdle is next up and again is a tight little event, Another Kate has won two of her last three races, both at Hereford, and likes the going, as well as tight right handed tracks. Great Mates, formerly owned by Jim, "Best Mate", Lewis has been sold out of Paul Nicholls stable and gone to that of David Pipe. He has become disappointing and  a watching brief is recommended at present. Malibu Sun pulled up in his last two starts but if back to form is good enough to win this. Mauretino won two races in a week back in April but they were both over 2 miles and he has been regressive on the flat. Dark Energy ran well at Huntingdon 3 days ago and may be worth taking a chance on to go one better than his second place tomorrow.

The beginners chase at 4 10 boasts the most interesting runner of the day. Gorden Elliott's Definate Allstar has the ability to win this in a canter, the trouble is that all his ability is still latent and at a probable short price may be worth opposing. The trouble is with what? Evan Williams's Wester Ross was a decent hudler but fell on his only start over fences and I am always loathe to back a novice after a fall. His stablemate Jolly Roger won a novice hurdle at Huntingdon 11 months ago and has a hurdles rating of 120 and with stable jockey Paul Molomey preferring him to Wester Ross he is the one I will side with.

The juvenile maiden hurdle should go to Spartan King if he can follow up his second to the very decent looking Hollow Tree at Bangor last week, he was not knocked about when beaten and is my NAP OF THE DAY.

The final race is a bumper and the likely favourite will be The Playful Priest, coming up from Rebecca Curtis's yard in South Wales and with the promising Aodghan Conlan up he was well backed for his debut at Hereford 6 weeks ago before disappointing,  he is taken to make amends .

On the home front the Housemate returned from the fracture clinic with good news and the pinkie strapped up, it was a nasty fracture which makes her achievements at the weekend all the more meritorious. She has a very fetching plastic finger stall to protect it for the next month. It did, apparently, hurt when it was straightened but she was braver about it than I would have been. The injury happened when Sid was being clipped by the local eventing star in the barn, he shot backwards as she reached a ticklish bit and housemate wasn't quick enough, Sid was sorry and  the eventer oblivious.

Canine Gaydar alert

Corry on the telly again, time to hit the keyboard.

With all the comings and goings this weekend, Darcy was in danger of not being the centre of attention. So on Saturday The Claw (aka Housemate) had to leave his nibs at home, she was understandably a little worried as Darcy had had a poorly paw for a few days (ahh bless). Nice lady next door offered to take him to her house to look after him for the day. he trotted, nose in the air, past DJ and Ari for a day of sofa-led pampering. it was only when we all returned on Saturday night that the full, awful, truth was revealed. She had decided that he needed a make over with this result.

The Claw thinks that it is butch and a very fetching look. Ari now calls him the Gok Wan of Middleton. Rooster wants it removing as he fears that it is a Health and Safety hazard as he could get his cravat caught on something and garrote himself.

Housemate has become The Claw after a hand incident over the weekend, tomorrow she visits the fracture clinic in Shrewsbury for a dose of pain (don't tell her though).

I won't mention the racing after a disastrous day's tipping on Sunday, thank goodness I didn't post any tips. Still Ludlow races restart on Wednesday Woo-hoo. The going will be Good to motorway and some of the worst horses in training will try to wring one more Summer jumping win and a load of half fit winter jumpers will be having a leg stretch.

Red Dragon ups and downs

This weekend was Red Dragon Festival of Endurance Weekend
http://www.reddragon.endurancegb.co.uk/html/class09entries.html

Both the distaff and the housemate entered the event. On Saturday Rooster entered the 82km Endurance race. This involved staying the night in Builth Wells on Friday, not something I would recommend, as the phrase dead and alive hole was invented for the town. The pubs were nearly all brightly lit and full of keg beer and large screen Tvs. There had also been a big funeral on during the day and we all know that the Welsh enjoy a funeral almost as much as they enjoy close harmony singing.

Anyway we rose on Saturday morning while it was still dark and went to the Royal Welsh Showground and roused Rooster for his big day.

              One of these is unaware that he has in excess of 50 miles in front of him.

To cut a long story short he went really well and finished the course in 5th position out of an original field of 20. Sadly the half hour wait between the end of the ride and the compulsory vetting was just long enough for poor old Rooster to stiffen up a little and as the vetting  is, quite rightly, very rigourous  he was disqualified as lame. Everything else was fine, his heartbeat, hydration etcetera but alas it was not to be. He was still a little stiff today. as indeed was his rider but overall is ok. he will have a well earned week's rest now

Housemate and Sid (the guv'nor) took part in a class that was a 40km ride a day for two days and she was very happy with his performance as he got a grade 1 on Saturday and a grade 4 today.He is a relatively inexperienced horse and is improving all the time. For all of the competitors the conditions were arduous on both days, who would expect 27 degrees in Wales in October ? So both can be pleased with their efforts. A lot of riders were also vetted out so the current Mrs N felt a little better.

In the next blog Darcy makes a fashion statement and Carly is naughty (again)