A Christmas Heroine

As with many parts of the country the weather here in Devon has been a bit wild in the last day or so. The winds have blown fit to cheer King Lear up and it culminated this morning when a tree blew down in the horses' field.

This was the moment for which Rooster had been training all these years. He leaped into action and cantered three times around the field, followed by the others, before collecting himself and heading to the Major Incident plan. A 534 page document that he had been preparing for just such an eventuality , pausing only to don his "I'm in charge" surcoat, he had all the rest of the crew lined up and started taking command of the scene. 

 "Do I look authoritative enough in this ?"

His first instruction was for Kavi to notify the relevant authorities, he was less impressed when he heard that the chestnut nomulator had contacted the Woodland Trust.  He then instructed Rocky to take the roll call and was horrified to find out that only three of the horses had been accounted for, after a recount Rocky ensured him that he had personally seen three horses. This was worse than Rooster had thought. He turned to page 67 of the plan entitled "What to do if you lose someone". Sure enough paragraph 4 subsection iii b had the drill.

He sent Carly off to the emergency phone to contact the only help that was available for such eventualities 

                                            Ta-Da, It's Wabb the Search & Rescue Cat

After a lengthy briefing the feline heroine was deployed to search under the fallen tree, but to no avail, there was no-one, equine or otherwise, trapped. It was time for an emergency meeting and the OIC called Rocky over to confer on actions to be taken. Firstly however , he needed to find out who was missing. After a thorough debriefing it was agreed that Rocky had seen Carly, Kavi and Rooster, that was three? right? At this juncture Wabb sighed, shook her head and said "You stupid grey pillock, you forgot to count yourself".

Stand down everyone.

Being interviewed in his stable later Rooster opined that he thought the whole excersise had been a great success  and showed that the 24/7 cover he provided every day was a worthwhile investment.

No cats or horses were harmed in the making of this blog.

 Happy Christmas everyone from all on Lowerdown and at S.C.

Of stallions and brandy

The weather has been remarkably clement for the time of year, or it could just be Devon, so Kavi has been getting plenty of time out recently. H has made sure that we have covered plenty of miles so he  has been getting fitter and fitter. On Tuesday we ventured across the moor, he was very excited by this as he clearly thinks that there is plenty of room to show his quicker paces. We have a kick, a buck and a fart every time he sees a patch of green in front of him (well he does at any rate). I merely grit my teeth and wrap my legs around him.

                                  "Come on Rocky, we'll soon be there and then we can go for it"

After a typically fun hack to Smallacombe Rocks we were making our way home when in the distance we could hear the hunting horn and hound calling from the local Fox-bothering pack. Deciding that discretion was the better part, Rocky and the ginger lad nipped into the Nature Reserve, suspecting, correctly, that the hunt would not be welcome there. The hounds were not there but, however, there was a small herd of Dartmoor ponies hanging around on the path home. The stallion was, quite rightly, very defensive of his herd and was less than keen to see intruders on his manor.

 

                                                           A pony of the Dartmoor variety

He strutted after us to ensure that we were seen off and were going to present no threat to his posse, Rocky, being the friendly creature that he is wanted to be friends and possibly join his gang. Kavi on the other hand, was less than impressed at being pushed about when he was returning to his stuffed haynet and after a minute  turned on his vertical challenged pursuer and said to him  in no uncertain terms "Look, Pal, you may be the stallion but I'm three times your size. Now jog on before I pulverise you". This had the desired effect and we were able to return in our own time, which is pretty nippy when Kavi is on his way home.

You will be all aware that the festive season is approaching quickly and H and I repaired to the local hostelry to see what delights awaited us in the next couple of weeks. The talk was of the Pickled Onion Selection contest. (No I've no idea either, but it appears to be the big event). The pub doesn't appear to make a Christmas punch either, this will come as bad news to Carly who is particularly keen on visiting his fans on Christmas day and necking gallons of the stuff. Here he is on the verandah of the Rose and Crown a few years ago being fed his favourite tipple by his friend Kate  whilst  modelling his festive antlers.

Dual Identity

Wabb and I were pushing a wheelbarrow around the field a couple of days ago, well one of us was, she was holding forth on the Trendlebeere leyline that she believes runs through the field while I was doing the grafting. Apparently in ancient times it was the thoroughfare used by ancient Devonian kitties who, on Midsummer's day processed down the hill to Manatton to welcome the dawn and rejoice in the new year and a bumper crop of small furry things to eat.

 I have to admit this was all news to me and although sceptical, was starting to wander how I might make money from this festival. Wabbstock perhaps . Pussy Riot headlining when they come out  their Russian jail, supported by Cat herine Jenkins and "Tom" Jones

 I then espied the lady who owns the next door field also doing a spot of pooh picking. We exchanged greetings and were passing smalltalk when she said "Oh Hello Whiskers" I thought that was a little rude as , although I hadn't shaved I don't look like Santa. I then realised that she was not looking at me but at an embarrassed feline. I have never seen a cat blush before as Wabb turned on her paws and trotted off.

"No idea who you are talking about"

 

 

It turns out that she doesn't rough it in the stable as we had surmised but spends plenty of time in next door's boiler house living off the choicest titbits and living under the alias of Whiskers. I'm going to have to have a word with that young lady.

 

 

Yesterday Kavi, Rocky and I accompanied H on a long hack up to the huge rock formation known as Haytor, which we thought was just up the road.

 

                                                        Yes, that's how far away it is.

 

Not the way horses go it isn't and we went up and down bridleways, up the Ladies Mile through 4 bogs and an ancient tramway, (Devon really needs to get out of the fifteenth century) until we were in the foothills. Amidst much sighing Kavi plodded on alternately slipping and tripping. I was trying to steer him and convince them that we were on our way home. "Look" he said "I'm a thoroughbred racehorse not a flippin' Dartmoor pony"

 

This was about how sad he looked



Is your goose getting fat ?

The C word, yes it is less than a month until the happy day. I even bought a C Robin decoration today too. I have also been receiving the Christmas lists from the inhabitants of Lowerdown. Rooster's requests are quite simple; his own traffic cone .
http://www.puresafety.co.uk/roadhog-traffic-cones.html
A Hi-viz vest would  be nice too and help to complete the ensemble.

Carly , when asked, informed me that he wished his rota of servants to be trebled at least, two are not nearly enough to keep up with his, meagre, demands. There have been times in the middle of the night , he informed me,when he has needed his rug adjusting but there was no one on call to do it and he was forced to wait until the morning . As for whether he wishes to be in the stable or out in the field, well he is allowed to change his mind as often as he likes, can't he ?

                                           I'm not sure if I have enough wrapping paper for all of these.

Rocky is very excited about the new X-box with added hoof controls, he has heard about the new must-have game Grand Theft Pinto and would prefer to play that then roister-doister with the boring field mates.

Kavi is not a great fan of Christmas, although he did make the effort a couple of years ago.

                                                       "Ho Ho flaming Ho"

When pushed he plumped for a never empty haynet, so that his nomming activities would suffer no interruption. I told him that he still had one present choice left and asked what would he like. "Another of those nets" was his answer. Sigh.

Wabb asked for world peace, some Lentil kit-e-kat and the latest Hawkwind album "Cat on the Edge of Time". CF was still in bed and will doubtless let me know his choice when he surfaces

I had a surprise request from Ari, apparently as former Housemate would not countenance it at his home,  and I  too fear that 5 minutes alone with George Osbourne would not be a good idea.(she is happy that George does not know of her existence).

"Alright, just three minutes then "

 

 

A couple of years ago I mentioned local "characters" who frequent country pubs, well now that we live closer to the ocean we have visited a couple of hostelries in seaside resorts. Here the yokel's seafaring cousin the salty old sea dog lurks. He generally has a pig-tail which emerges apologetically from his bald head, a fisherman's smock liberally coated with fish scales and his last half dozen meals and a laugh that is 20% chuckle and 80 % phlegm. He has a flat in Hampstead, an agent called Wodney and is quite as dull as the Mummerzet version

 



No, not that sort of Sea Dog,

 

Green Eyed God

Social media is the medium of today, some of you will have accessed these wonderful words via facebook and some will have stumbled upon this from twitter @kavismate . It is always nice to meet people who are followers of the antics here in Devon (and Shropshire beforehand). Although it can be a little worrying that there are some who know more about the lads than the author.

I have tweeted a few pictures and some of my twittermates have taken an interest in Kavi. One, a talented young lady who is studying art, asked if she could paint a portrait of him. In the interests of copyright I asked Kavi if he minded. "Can you eat a portrait ?" was his only question. On receiving an answer in the negative he sighed and said "Whatever". He duly stopped eating for about 2.3 secs while his photo was taken and sent over the ether for her to work off.

                                "Come on, hurry up, there is a half eaten haynet that needs seeing to"

The proof of the masterpiece was duly sent back recently and very good it was too. I was telling Kavi of his fame when Carly overheard the conversation. He was mortified. "Why does anyone want a picture of that sad-faced old munter ? " He screeched. "I am the lovely one, every one says so, check the profile, check the breeding. It screams Showing Horse. It should have been me me me" Awkward

Rocky also appears to be thriving on the Devonian fodder and appears to have grown  in the last 6 weeks and is now probably taller than Kavi, who is 15.3hh. We have tried to stand them upsides so that we can compare but Kavi gets very irritated when Rocky stands near him as he is always being mithered and nibbled and attempts to exact revenge by biting a chunk out of him

                                                          "I'm a big lad me"

Rocky No mates

Rocky is a friendly chap, always full of bounce and bobbance and always ready to have a roister-doister. Unfortunately for him his mates are not really the playful types.

"C'mon Carly, lets play with this, it'll be fun"

 

 

Carly, like an ageing Uncle, will indulge him for ten minutes or so but will get bored and wander off to do something in which he is the centre of attention. Rooster might patrtake in a few low jinks providing the play area is safe and the appropriate safety gear is worn which rather takes the fun out of it. Kavi, of course, doesn't stop eating for long enough to waste his breath in saying "**&%! off" .

 

Imagine, however, Rocky's joy when some horses moved into the field next door. He was convinced that there would be lots of new chums who would be eager to become his playmates. Sadly for the Grey Gallumpher the neighbours, after an initial look,  only seemed interested in eating all the grass in their new field. He  now spends a lot of time staring wistfully over the fence. Wabb went over to see him and offer some alternate amusement. Sadly "Consider the beech tree man, become as one with it and allow your chakras to merge" was not the fun hour Rocky had in mind.

 

Downton went out with a whimper yesterday. Satisfied that another series had been landed most of the characters were able to coast through yet another "village event" which always happens in the  series finale. All 56 of Lady Mary's suitors turned up but to no avail, she remained Lady Mary  so they all left disappointed. Come on guys, she's dull but after all she is very rich.. Lady Edith was  letting it be put out that she was off to Europe to have a child out of wedlock ,this after her gentleman friend had "disappeared in Germany". (He's dumped you love) . We all suspect that you are going to see if you can get that charisma by-pass reversed.

                                                      "Oooh my poor Chalfonts"

 

 Mr Bate's haemorrhoids appear to still be giving him some gyp judging by the expression on his face , his teeth couldn't be more gritted if he was a Motorway in a frost. We can't wait for the Christmas special .

 

 







The Loneliness of the long distance scooper wielder

 

 

Say Hello to Wabb, she arrived at Lowerdown a few weeks ago as a guest of CF's. Although she was a little shy at first now that she has her paws under the table she has blossomed into a chum.

One of the boring but necessary jobs that horse owners have to do is pooh-picking, this is where you troll around the field with a wheelbarrow and a scooper moving the equine deposits, and having four horses with healthy digestive systems tends to leave plenty of work to do. Now as I am at the bottom of the pecking order it falls to me to do the hard yards. It is a bit boring going up and down the field but Wabb has decided to do the rounds with me. It's a big improvement to quarter the fields with my feline friend discussing life in general. She is quite the zen philosopher and advocates plenty of motionless sitting and contemplating life. In turn I point out the wildlife to her, we have seen; wrens, robins, pied wagtails, stonechats (well we've heard them) and long tailed tits. Unlike certain moggys of yore she doesn't find the need to slaughter them as it goes against her Buddhist faith. I was looking forward to going out with her today to discuss some knotty point of lore but she said "You can sod off it's p**ing down"

I have also discovered that CF is a teenager, this becomes obvious at weekends when he turns up for his breakfast at about 10.30 obviously having had a lie in after a night out with the lads. Having wolfed down his portion of Kanga-chunks he then finds himself a comfortable hay bale, preferably in the sun, and settles down for a snooze.

Some good news on PPP (Perpetually Poorly Poppy) the Stable Cottage cert for Cheltenham 2015 as she has deigned to return to training with the Worried Looking Trainer. He assures us that if she gets some good ground after the turn of the year she will repay our patience. He also pointed out that the horse that just beat her on her debut was runner up in a very good hurdle race yesterday. (Chris pea Green his name as you ask )

                                                   PPP and WLT dreaming of races to be won

Most weeks I like to poke a little fun at Downton but even I have had to give up as it is now beyond parody.